Control

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Today, Marcus expressed the concern that I’m stressing myself out too much about the little things – meal prep for the week, running out of time on the weekend, organizing and cleaning everything, etc. It got me thinking about why I feel more comfortable when things are organized and planned. First of all, I just like being organized. It’s part of my personality. I was the one throughout school with all my homework assignments written down in a planner and color coordinated. I was always the one with ten million (give or take) post-it notes on my desk reminding me of various tasks and appointments. Checklists are seriously one of my favorite things in the world. While it is in my nature to a certain extent, I think the issue right now is that so much of my life feels a bit out of my control. I work at a job that I don’t love but have to keep for the money and everything important in my life – family, friends, church – is all about forty-five minutes to an hour away. While neither situation is permanent, they are getting very discouraging.

So far, my way of dealing with the uncontrollable nature of life at the present moment is to organize and structure everything else to my own specifications. Unfortunately, that means that I frequently get stressed out when I run out of time to get everything on my agenda accomplished. I guess sometimes you need someone else to point out your crazy in order to recognize it yourself.

While I can’t promise that I’ll never get stressed out when my checklists are left incomplete, I am going to try to let go of the inconsequential to-dos and focus my organizational skills on correcting the two things that are actually making me feel out of control. I mean, really, will it kill anyone if I don’t dust off my books or get my meals planned out this week?

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